


Breaking the Silence

by kpopismydrug



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Early Super Junior era, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-01 22:02:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4036123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kpopismydrug/pseuds/kpopismydrug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In order for them to succeed, they need to be open and honest with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking the Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [teaseofnight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaseofnight/gifts).



> Ashley saved our last fic because I suck at writing smut at the moment, and so I swore to write her a fic to show my undying love and thanks to her. It's not what she originally wanted (because I suck at writing a certain OT3 solo) so this is what she requested after.
> 
> It was meant to be longer and more angsty, but we all know I'd die writing it so this is as close as we're going to get to angst for the moment.
> 
> Hope you all (esp you Ashley) enjoy it!

****  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He’s always been around people.

It’s in his nature. For as long as he can remember, he’s always been surrounded by people, always amongst clusters of people.

Being alone makes Donghae nervous. The silence fills his head too easily, making him feel numb instead of living.

He knows boundaries, knows that not everyone likes to be surrounded by people.

So when he learns his hyungs...his members...complaining one evening, it cuts deep into Donghae’s chest.

“I just wish he wasn’t so damn clingy,” Heechul moans, annoyed.

“He’s a grown man yet he still tries to sleep in my bed,” another member complains, their voice annoyed too.

Donghae quietly pushes his foot back into his shoe, hidden in the hallway of the dorm as he listens to his group members talk about him behind his back.

“It’s endearing for the fans to see him so dependant on us, but it’s so draining.”

Donghae pulls his cap further down to cover his face as he silently leaves the dorm, leaving behind the words that act like daggers to his heart.

As he wanders through the streets of their neighbourhood, he fights back the tears.

He knows he can be overbearing at times, but to hear his own members, his friends, say those things….

Donghae scrubs at his face as the first few tears fall.

His chest doesn’t lessen with its tightness.

Instead, it continues to squeeze.

 ****  
  
  


 

Hyukjae thumps him on his back. “Wanna practise our dance later?”

Donghae easily worms himself from the hold, shrugging his backpack right. “Busy.”

Hyukjae asks what he’s doing, but Donghae waves goodbye, leaving him behind as he heads for the van.

Once he’s in the van, he takes out his phone, plugs in his headphones, and plays a game, blocking out the others as he focuses.

When no one bothers him, Donghae’s chest squeezes again.

 ****  
  
  


 

Donghae slips past the younger male, ignoring Ryeowook’s confused expression.

“Where are you going?” the male demands, hands holding the steaming pot of broth he had made for them.

Donghae ignores the sounds of their members already sitting and chatting, waiting for their meal, as he shoves his trainers on.

“Donghae-hyung?”

“Run,” is all Donghae mumbles, making sure his cap is in place and his music player is fixed securely to his arm before placing the ear buds in.

Before he can leave, he quickly jogs to the kitchen, ignoring Ryeowook again, to drain a glass of water.

But as he heads back to the front door, Kyuhyun is there, taking his shoes off.

He sees the male’s mouth move, hears the younger male’s muted voice through the ear buds, but he only nods his head at Kyuhyun and slips past him.

As the door slams shut behind him, Donghae retreats back into his mind and plays his music to drown out the silence in his mind.

 ****  
  
  


 

He finds it’s harder to avoid them when they all have a schedule together.

Luckily, it’s only a talk show, and Donghae is more than happy to blend into the back, barely listening to the conversations going on around him.

He feels a slight nudge from Kyuhyun who was sitting next to him at the back row.

Donghae takes the nudge as a ‘look alive’ nudge, and so he forces himself to listen to one of Heechul’s overdramatic stories.

However, the nudge comes again, forcing him to look.

Kyuhyun is looking at the front, the perfect image of paying attention. Considering he is the newest member, it makes sense for him to be so careful and attentive, their hyungs would no doubt rebuke him if he looked bored on camera.

Donghae has always liked Kyuhyun, despite their lack of training years with each other compared to his other members, Donghae has never resented the younger male for joining them late.

Just before Donghae looks away, Kyuhyun glances at him and give him a soft small smile.

Donghae looks away due to being called upon and tries to speak carefully, making sure his natural accent is in check as he adapts to the standard Seoul accent.

He gets teased for it anyway, like he always does.

However, he doesn’t find it endearing anymore, mind casting back to that night.

He feels embarrassed, upset even, as his hyungs continue to mock how he sounds when he uses dialect.

He feels a gentle squeeze to his knee, and he looks as Kyuhyun starts to argue that Donghae’s dialect is interesting, rather than funny.

Their new maknae gets some looks at that, but it isn’t questioned on camera or off it.

Donghae’s chest doesn’t feel so tight as it did this morning.

 ****  
  
  


 

Soon enough, it becomes a little obvious he’s avoiding certain members.

Arguments start, fights erupt.

Donghae doesn’t ever mention why he stopped being close. He doesn’t mention how much their backstabbing words hurt, how if they just said it to his face then it wouldn’t have hurt so much.

He says nothing, which is why the fights happen.

As their managers calm everything down, Leeteuk in the middle of trying too, Donghae ignores a manager’s order to stay and leaves the dorm.

As he heads for the elevator, it opens to reveal a tired looking Kyuhyun.

Donghae ignores the male’s surprised expression and heads for the stairwell to avoid speaking to the youngest member,

“Hey!” Kyuhyun shouts after him, and Donghae is so shocked at the younger male’s direct tone that he freezes in the doorway.

Kyuhyun’s face is a mix of hurt and anger as he storms over. “Why are you ignoring me?”

Donghae swallows, his mind still ringing from the shouts just a few moments ago.

Kyuhyun sighs, expression shifting so that most of the anger slips away, but only allows for confusion to come forward. “You’re so quiet lately,” the male murmurs softly. “Why?”

Donghae looks away. “No reason.”

Kyuhyun follows after him as he enters the stairwell, the sound of the door slipping shut behind them.

Donghae looks over his shoulder. “Why are you following?”

“Why are you being quiet?” Kyuhyun answers back.

Donghae begins to climb the stairs. “I told you, no reason.”

“Say that whilst looking at my face rather than away and I might believe that,” Kyuhyun retorts.

Donghae pauses on the stairs, turns to see Kyuhyun two steps behind him.

“I just have a lot on my mind,” he tells the younger. “Happy now?”

Donghae turns and carries on up the steps.

“You haven’t been happy for awhile.”

Donghae trips on a step, hand flying out to catch his balance.

Kyuhyun’s long legs bring him up on the same step as Donghae as Donghae stares at the floor. “You haven’t spoken to anyone lately,” the male notes slowly. “It’s like you’re pushing people away.”

“And why would I do that?” Donghae questions, eyes still fixated on the concrete floor.

He hears a sigh and looks to see Kyuhyun sitting down on the staircase.

Kyuhyun looks up at him. “Why don’t you tell me why?” he asks softly.

Donghae walks away.

“Get back inside, it’s too cold here,” he calls as he heads for his dorm on the upper floors of their apartment building.

He doesn’t hear Kyuhyun follow nor the sound of the door open.

He doesn’t hear anything until he himself leaves and shuts the stairwell door behind him.

 ****  
  
  


 

Kyuhyun seems to make it his mission to get Donghae to speak again.

Donghae easily avoids the maknae for awhile, using dance practise as an excuse, but when he’s forced to be around the members, the maknae refuses to stop fussing.

Ignoring the curious stares from their members, Donghae fights off the male’s hands, glaring at Kyuhyun to stop it as he tries to fiddle with Donghae’s mic pack.

“I’m just checking,” Kyuhyun tuts, trying to break through his defense.

“Just leave it, it’s fine,” Donghae hisses.

Kyuhyun flicks his head, stunning him and the others, and he wins as he grabs at Donghae’s hips to check the mic pack clipped on his pants at the back.

“Looks good,” Kyuhyun grins as Donghae glares at him, and cheekily slaps his hands to Donghae’s cheeks. “Now lets get this smile working…”

Donghae shoves the younger male away, his cheeks burning as he fights his natural response to smile at the male’s attempts to cheer him up.

Kyuhyun notices his battle to hold back his smile, and his eyes show the pleased smugness.

“C’mon, hyung, it’s time to shine,” Kyuhyun teases as he throws an arm around the male’s shoulders, hugging him slightly.

It’s the first hug he’s had in weeks, and Donghae’s chest aches as he realises just how starved he is of affection to and from his friends.

“About time you stop your moping,” Kangin snorts, and it breaks Donghae’s mood instantly, causing him to stiffen.

The male’s words he had heard all of those weeks ago cut back into his chest.

He slips free from Kyuhyun, head bowed slightly, shoulders tight.

His chest feels tight once again.

 ****  
  
  


 

Eventually, he breaks.

And it’s Kyuhyun whom he breaks to.

The younger male had only come to his shared room to bug him whilst he waits for his PC to finish doing something, had shoved himself beside Donghae on his bed; he had only asked a simple question of what Donghae was doing.

Being held tightly with his face buried to the younger male’s chest, Donghae apologizes to the voices he cannot stop replaying in his head, apologizes for being unable to remain alone.

Kyuhyun shushes and comforts him as the cries break off his broken apologies.

“You should confront them,” Kyuhyun whispers, hand running through Donghae’s hair. “They need to know they hurt you.”

Donghae shakes his head. “They won’t care. I’m a burden anyway.”

Kyuhyun sits up straightly at that, yanks Donghae so he can glare at him.

“You are not a burden to anyone,” the younger male vehemently says, an insulted look to the male’s gaze. “You are our member, a dear friend, and when a friend hurts another, you tell them.”

Donghae sags a little, so tired of being alone, of being plagued by silence and the cutting words in his memory.

“I tried,” he whispers. “I tried being less clingy-”

“You completely isolated yourself from us, made us worry,” Kyuhyun cuts over him. “That is not what they want. They probably never even wanted you to stop.”

Donghae frowns. “But-”

“When parents complain about being around their kids all the time, or each other, do you think they truly mean it?” Kyuhyun asks him. “They say it in the heat of their feelings, most often brought on by tiredness, but they would probably hate being away from them.”

Donghae swallows, unsure to believe. “Heechul-”

“Heechul doesn’t have a filter, but you _know_ him, Donghae,” Kyuhyun stresses softly. “You have known them for years. If they were sick of you, they would have made it known back then, not now.”

A fresh dose of tears come and Kyuhyun sighs as he tugs him back into a tight hug.

“We all get sick of each other, it’s the downfall of working and living with each other,” Kyuhyun reminds him gently. “We just have to give space when it is needed, but also to remember to not take it to heart.”

Donghae nods, and for the first time in weeks, his chest feels open, at ease.

Later that afternoon, when he surprises them all by joining them for their meal, he mentions overhearing what he had heard.

They listen to him, how it hurt to hear it said behind his back, and how much it hurt for him to stay away.

When he’s done, Heechul is the first to apologise, and Donghae knows it is sincere, and his heart feels so much lighter as the others do too.

They make a new rule that night - to never talk behind a member’s back, to confront them, regardless of how small or big the matter is.

In order for them to succeed, they need to be open and honest with each other.

Donghae starts to smile again, starts to laugh and play.

And it’s all down to the boy whom Donghae had promised the first day he had met him to always look after him and treat him well.

Squeezing Kyuhyun with a hug to distract the younger male as he plays on his PSP, Donghae makes another promise to himself.

One day, he will remind Kyuhyun of this moment.

He will remind the male of the time he broke Donghae’s silence.

 

 

 


End file.
